Coins or No Coins

I was rushing to catch a shuttle bus this morning. A woman behind me seem in a hurry, so I let her board the bus first as I was still trying to get my coins ready for the bus fare. On boarding the bus, the woman started digging for coins from her bag, leaving me no choice but to queue behind her as I could not drop my coins in the box with her blocking.

The driver signaled me to bypass the lady, so I got to the side to drop the coins, but because of the awkward position, dropped my coins on the floor. Both of us—the woman and I—ended up apologizing for the delay to all the people behind us who were waiting to board. I then picked up my coins and dropped them into the box while the woman continued to dig.

This is kind of people we encounter every day, people who cannot wait to be first and have no regard for the interest of others. But as for me, I live by a code of conduct following the biblical verse that states:

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4 NAS)

Here’s a penny for your thoughts. When you are not ready, will you wait and not rush to get ahead of others?

Traveling and Culture: Eye Opener

Traveling has always been a part of my life, an eye opener to the different cultures of the world and the different human behaviors. I've learnt much through traveling, things that I'll never be able to learn or see if I have not traveled.

Traveling helps people adapt to new environments, understand why people of different cultures behave differently, so as to enable us to understand why people do the things they do. This is especially useful to me because I work in a multi-national company that is made up of people all over the world. It helps me adapt and not to expect others to do things the way we do.

For example, if we see people spitting around, people who eat things and leave their waste to be cleared by other people, people who talks out loud in public, people who blocks every passageway and sidewalks, we can understand why they will never do what we expect them to do, such as to give way to us so we can walk the sidewalks, soften their chatter onboard trains and so on.

Not all imported behaviors are negative however. I've learnt many things from foreign cultures which I wish are being practised here. For example, ever since I visited the USA for the first time many years ago, I've learnt to clear my own food trays and waste at every fast food chains. Not to do so, to me, is to be uncultured and inconsiderate.

One of the many things in life we should all learn is that we must do things with consideration for others. We should not make decisions on our own without forseeing how our decisions may affect others. My principle for living is simple. I follow the Bible verse Philippians 2:3 which says:

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

Learning to be graceful and less inconsiderate can go a long way. If we wish to live our lives meaningfully, we'll need to know how to behave and live our lives. If you, like me, are willing to strive to make our nation state a place to live in, read my article on Learning to be Graceful.

Selective Seeing

You have heard of selective hearing where one listens only the good things, but have you heard of selective seeing?

Selective seeing is much like what Conflict Management studies called avoidance. Avoidance is not about closing an eye to things, but it's about not seeing what you don't wish to see. Given the change in our nation state's cleanliness and the people living in the country with inconsiderate behaviors, ungraceful acts, it pains my heart at times to see things I don't see when I was still in my youth.

Today, just about everywhere in Singapore, and especially in public fields and on pedestrian sidewalks, we can see debris and litter, spats of phlegm and saliva, inconsiderate acts of cycling without considerations for pedestrians, and more. If you are like me always bothered by such uncultured 'gracefulness', then you must learn to see things selectively. When seeing tissue papers, cans, bottles and other types of litter on the grass and sidewalks, just look around and see the beigger surroundings of nature, the flowers and the trees, the chirping birds and moving leaves, and breath in the fresh air if there is any. Minimize your focus on the unpleasant, such as the debris and the phlegm, and keep calm in the face of uncultured acts of spitting and littering.

Sounds like escapism you may think, and maybe you are right, but if that can keep a person's heartbeat rate down, it is worth it. There is no reason for us to suffer a heart attack for acts performed by others. Like selective hearing where we can choose to hear only the good stuff, selective seeing allows us to see only the good stuff, so we can calm our hearts.

Alternatively, if you prefer, you can play the hero and right the wrong by complaining through the media, the town councils and the community development councils, but these usually end up as a waste of time because things are unlikely going to improve with such complains. I've tried, I've been promised, and sometimes after years, the very thing I've complained about has been theoretically 'solved' with no improvement.

Take for example the cycling issue. I've written in the papers, and the good news was they will be extending sidewalks to cater for both cyclists and pedestrians. So I waited and after 1-2 years it was complete, but at all the wrong places. The main narrow sidewalk under the track of the MRT is where most cyclists-pedestrians have accidents, but the completion of project has been celebrated, but the problem persist and is not fixed for the main sidewalk, although every other sidewalks with hardly any problem have been fixed.

This is truly our country, this is indeed our land.

Being Nice

Being nice does not expect others to be nice in return
It does not make demands or judge a person
It accepts sinners as well as saints
Never to turn anyone away
It is willingness to accept despite of
Always ready to give more than receive

It comes forth natural
And is not compelled
It is something within
Not an expression without
It takes on the nature of relative permanence
Rather than something demonstrative or temporal
It does not irritates
But sooth the discourage

Being nice is being considerate
Putting others first before oneself
Not as an expression of weakness
For others to push around
But in meekness and in strength
Reveal the nature of God to all Man

Being Considerate

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit,
but with humility of mind regard one another
as more important than yourselves;
(Philippians 2:3 NAS)

Living up to what the Word of God says about treating others as more important than ourselves is never an easy task.

Take the example of a day to day practice of consideration. When the train or bus arrives, do we take our turn in an orderly manner to pace forward or do we push to get in? How do we feel when others jump the queue and go in front of us? Is it being considerate to let them go first? What about the pregnant, the people with children, or the aged weak, do we give way to them and risk being late for work? To what degree are we to be considerate?

Not many days ago, I was at a shop trying to purchase an item that was placed at the bottom of some shelves. I have to bend down to pick the item but because a couple came by seemingly wanting to pass the narrow passage way, I quickly stood up and have my head crashed into some shelves. I found out then that the couple has no intention to pass through the path, but only wanted to see the items there.

When at the walkway of a path in the heartland, many bicycles and people with multiple children and a cradle often occupy the entire walkway, so I frequently bypass them by walking outside the path on the grass to give them room, but this act of consideration often ends in my having a sprained ankle, resulting from being caught in a hole, with mud and grass.

In a fast food restaurant, I always clear my trays after a meal, and sometimes have to clear others' debris and trays in order to have a space to eat. Imagine what the feeling is like watching others dump and mess up their tables with their debris? As a practitioner of consideration, I tend to expect others to do likewise, and this has make much of my life a misery, because, the majority do not practice consideration.

Occasionally, I ask myself whether I should quit being considerate and tell myself not to be the mister good guy anymore. This is the exact feeling Spider-Man faces when he tries to help and gets misunderstood. Such is the life Spidey and I share, frequently misunderstood for being nice, but self-pity is not a solution. There is a price to pay for being considerate, yet it is not something to be given up, simply because with great power comes great responsibility. I am a Christian and I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside me, so I must continue to bear the responsibility in demonstrating

Bringing Up Parents

"To teach graciousness to children, begin with their parents."

An example of parents needing parenting:

A father goes to the supermarket and place his trolley in the middle of a passageway with child in the trolley. He then begins teaching his child by pointing to things in the supermart saying, "This is an apple, that is an orange, the other is ..."

This 'anecdote' happened at the NTUC FairPrice Sembawang supermarket in the morning today. The passageway totally blocked, and other shoppers were unable to get through. The stares from the people at the father did not help, because the parent was totally oblivious to surroundings, because his world is the child, not earth.

For help on being gracious, read 'Learning to be Graceful'. For a biblical perspective of building graciousness, read 'Gracefully Yours'.